Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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