you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
