I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
