we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
