am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
