And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
