you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
