my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
