i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
