I could make wine with my vomit
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
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