So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Randomize
