Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
