He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
