That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I just threw up on my dentist
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
