Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
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