I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
