Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
