The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
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