I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
