ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
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