The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
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