I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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