She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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