So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
My dick has a subreddit
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
