Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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