Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
