If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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