if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
