Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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