Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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