Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
