nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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