sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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