Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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