how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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