Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
