Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Thank you for not boning my boss.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
