The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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