Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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