I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
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