What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Holy shit dude........stairs
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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