i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
