The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
