so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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