i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
