i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Randomize
