You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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