Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Randomize
