I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
