Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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