just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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