Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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