So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
