put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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