I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
