matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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