Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
