Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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