would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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