I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
