Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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