There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
