and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
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