Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
