pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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