feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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