Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Verdict: uncircumcised.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
