i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Randomize
