Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Randomize
