just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize