I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
