Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Everyone says I win the strip club
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Randomize