I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
