Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
