:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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