we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
