I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I think I just sharted jello shots
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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