he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
