Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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