Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
