I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
