things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
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