It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
tell me about the eggs
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
