Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
